How to Make Amends During Addiction Recovery
Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward. You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them. You may couple that making of amends with a request for forgiveness. I am not saying things like that are easy, they’re not. We can go to them directly and work through it (or at least try).
In sum, when recovering alcoholics reach step nine, they are completely connected to their Higher Power. The steps ensure that those in recovery feel supported, safe, and secure in making the next step to freedom from addiction. The recovery process builds upon each step in your sober journey.
Family and Children’s Programs
Rather, recognize the value of Step 9 for yourself. There are three main types of amends, and it’s important to recognize which one is appropriate in a given situation. Understanding some making amends examples can help the individual correct past behaviors. Say, for example, you’re preparing to make amends to a former coworker, whom you once stole from to pay for drugs. In addition to apologizing and asking for their forgiveness regarding the incident in question, you might offer to repay them in full for the money you stole.
Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests. Likewise, my marriage is a partnership with my husband. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said. Notice the words «right to resentment» and «underserved qualities» in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, «abandoning [our] right to resentment . . . «.
Evidence-Based Addiction Treatments and Step 9 AA
The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough. How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances?
Make a list of people you hurt in the days of your active addiction. It may be painful, but this is all part of taking responsibility for your actions. During your worst points of addiction, you may have created a long list of people that you caused pain too. You may be wondering how you can make amends with your loved ones during your time of recovery? There may be situations where the damage caused by your active addiction is irreparable. In these circumstances, you can make an indirect amend to rectify the wrong in the best way possible.
To understand what living amends are is to understand the concept behind amends in a 12 step program.
The goal of the program is to improve yourself and make strides to be a better person for yourself and your loved ones alike while also remaining sober. If you’re familiar with substance use recovery and 12-step programs, the idea of «living amends» might ring a bell. When you cannot directly make up for something to the person you hurt, a living amends is a decision to change your ongoing behavior in a way that is informed by the wrongdoing. Your ‘living amends’ is living in a way that that acknowledges the previous mistake by consistently living in a way that doesn’t repeat it or compensates for it.
- You need to follow the same steps you would with an acquaintance, but then take it even further.
- The 12-step program instills honesty and integrity in members.
- Making amends with the people you’ve fallen out with as you’re thinking about mortality and what happens when you die is one way of finding emotional freedom and closure.
- They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure.
We’ll also include a Step 9 amends letter for anyone who wants to implement this step but isn’t sure how to. Generally speaking, people work through the Steps of Alcohol Anonymous with an addiction treatment counselor and/or sponsor. You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve living amends Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. Are you ready to embark on your journey to recovery?
Direct amends involves meeting the individual in person to correct your wrongdoings. Your goal is to show you reflected on your mistakes, are truly sorry for the pain caused, and are ready to translate words into actions. Avoid general statements like, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.” Be specific with your apology and include concrete plans to restore the relationship. The other person will better appreciate your sincerity, feel more understood, and thus be more receptive to the apology.